Southern California's Most Beloved (and Hydrated)
Tim Marries Everyone
aka Timquila • aka Timerita • aka "Is he okay?"
Legally ordained. Loosely sober. Deeply committed to your big day.
Book Tim Before He's Booked Solid (or Just Booked)Southern California's Most Beloved (and Hydrated)
aka Timquila • aka Timerita • aka "Is he okay?"
Legally ordained. Loosely sober. Deeply committed to your big day.
Book Tim Before He's Booked Solid (or Just Booked)Tim is a fully ordained wedding officiant who found his calling somewhere between his third margarita and a stranger's backyard ceremony in 2019. Since then, he has united dozens of couples in holy matrimony, several of which he still remembers vividly.
Known by his closest friends as Timquila (for his love of tequila) and Timerita (for his love of tequila, but fancier), Tim brings warmth, humor, and a slight lime scent to every wedding he officiates.
He will not cry at your wedding. He will, however, get misty-eyed during the open bar portion of the reception.
All packages include a legally binding ceremony, a heartfelt (or at least heart-adjacent) speech, and Tim showing up on time. Probably.
$250
For couples who just want to be married already. We respect that.
$450
*Toast quality not guaranteed after 9pm.
$700
The full experience. Your grandma will love him.
(Names changed to protect the happily married)
"Tim showed up with a margarita in hand and I thought, 'this was a mistake.' But honestly? He crushed it. We've been married two years and still talk about how funny the ceremony was."
— Sarah & Jake, Long Beach
"We asked Tim to keep it short. He kept it very short. Like, suspiciously short. But we're legally married so no notes."
— Marcus & Delia, San Diego
"Tim made a joke during the vows that made my dad laugh for the first time in years. I'm giving him five stars for that alone."
— Priya & Tom, Los Angeles
"I asked if he was ordained online. He said 'technically.' I appreciated the honesty. 10/10."
— Kevin & Ryan, Orange County
Yes. Fully, legally, officially ordained. He has the certificate and everything. It's framed. Next to a picture of a margarita.
Tim will be professional at your wedding. These are different things, but the important thing is your marriage will be legal.
Absolutely. Tim has a gift for vows that are touching, funny, and under 90 seconds. He charges extra for vows over 90 seconds because he gets emotional.
Tim will go anywhere there is a wedding and a nearby bar. Travel fees may apply depending on distance and flight availability.
Tim can absolutely do serious. He took an acting class in 2011. He remembers some of it.
Improvisation. Years and years of improvisation.
Fill out the form below and Tim will get back to you within 24-48 hours, or after his nap, whichever comes first.